October 23rd, 2014
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple Inc. held a press conference early this morning revealing yet another new state-of-the-art mobile telephone.
Apple CEO Tim Cook, dressed in a lovely cotton button-down and khaki slacks, addressed the media with sullen glances off-stage as a wave of embarrassment swept across his face.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Mr. Cook began, pausing to look off-stage once more. “It is my… pleasure to announce yet another release in the long line of iPhone products from Apple.”
Mr. Cook then opened an old cardboard box behind him, pulling out a VCR and a two-liter of Crystal Pepsi before unleashing a small rectangular device upon the public.
“I present to you… the iPhone 4S… 2,” said Mr. Cook, placing his hands on his hips and sighing into his lavaliere microphone. “Look, there was an error on our part when scheduling the auditorium, so we had to release something. We really like this phone, and even though it’s a little old, it still works great. Look, it even has Siri.” Mr. Cook then held in the Home button until that unmistakable dial-up tone sounded and introduced the well known artificial intelligence. “Siri, what time is it?” asked Mr. Cook into the device. From the projected screen above, the audience was shown the phone’s screen and its spinning circle animation, symbolizing Siri’s ability to think.
“I didn’t catch that,” replied Siri after two full minutes. “Please say a command.”
Mr. Cook then dropped the iPhone 4S 2 onto the ground and cursed into his microphone as he walked off stage. Many news outlets reported the event via their iPhone 6 devices.
Former CEO Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment.